Why legislators balk when unsealing original birth certificates of the adopted

Access Connecticut is running into static with their bill that would fill a loophole of adoptees born before in that state born before October 1,1983. The problem? Legislators still "worried" about those birth mothers and families who will be put in a tizzy if mom's adopted-out child comes knocking. 

They are concerned that most of their testimony comes from adoptees. And secondly, from searching mothers who found their children. They need now to hear from found mothers and other found family members who were glad to reconnect with their blood kin who had been adopted out of the family. They want to hear from a siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I heard about this a few hours ago, and posted a call out on FMF's Facebook page and immediately found a few mothers who fit the bill, but--more is more, and more is better. So if you are a found mother, no matter where you reside--someone from Great Britain responded, and she's writing too--write and write immediately. Ask your family members if they will write a short note--two or three grafs is all it needs. Be succinct, and write from the heart. The bill is under the judiciary committee's microscope as I write, and so timing is of the essence. 

Lorraine

What got my blood flowing as I thought about this was realizing that one of the great stumbling blocks to opening all records are men and maybe women on the committee who are hiding from their own biological children who were adopted. Some of the men may not even be sure they had such a child, but they think, well, maybe.... Or thank god, I escaped that bullet. Consequently, they relate to the man in the closet, and they assume that most women might be like that too. They imagine lives upended by a phone call or a knock on the door.

When Birthmarkcame in 1979, I wrote a piece in Newsweek that got some attention. Angry letters from adoptive parents ensued. But the people in my life who were the most pissed off were MEN! The director/actor Ben Gazarra was one; I heard the subject of my book came up at a dinner party I did not attend and he ended up pounding the table shouting: "Who does she think she is?" I thought, Why is he so upset? That's weird.

Answer: He must have a kid out there, or be worried that he does.

It happened another time at a dinner party I did attend and the guy went at me like angry lion--now everybody there is attentively listening--until his wife shut him up. What's wrong with you, she asked, we just came back from Wales where they spent a lot of time wandering around graveyards looking for his ancestors!

He, like Ben Gazarra, were afraid of their own past with women and the children they may have had, or did have.

And women? There are some in the closet, still. A woman in New York is our staunchest enemy in Albany, Helene Weinstein. God knows what she fears. But  she, and the men who rail against opening records, or just quietly oppose and vote no, relate to those who do not want a child come knocking. What they know about adoption is how wonderful it is, how lucky the children are, how happy their adoptive-parent friends are now they they have adopted. They have not tried to understand the adoptee. They emphatize with those who have secret children. The legislators can't, or won't, put themselves in the place of the adopted; they emphatize instead with the men in the closet.

We need to have them see the other side. We need to let them know no matter how deep the secret, no one shoud have the right to deny anyone the true story of their lives, their ancestry, their true heritage. No one should deny another their ancestry because it might embarass someone.

We need to let these men--and it is mostly men--and women know that when an adoptee finds their mother, the sky does not fall, the birth family does not fall apart, that much good can come from open records, that keeping truth from a whole class of individuals is wrong, immoral and unjust in every way you can look at it.

If you are a found parent, and have family members who will add their voices to those on the side of right, do the job that's being handed you. Again are the email addresses. Please send a BCC to Access Connecticut. Other states needing testimony are also listed, New York and Massachusetts. Only you can be the change you desire.--lorraine

PS: Jane, who has served in a legislative committee in Oregon regarding adoption law, added a great insight into the lawmakers' thinking in a comment. Worth reading!
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Email testimony to Connecticut: judtestimony@cga.ct.gov

Please email a copy to: info@accessconnecticut.org

Other testimony on file: https://www.cga.ct.gov/asp/menu/CommDocTmyBillAllComm.asp?bill=HB-05408&doc_year=2018

Massachusetts: Call, e-mail, or tweet your MA representative and senator, If not a resident, contact the Speaker of the Assembly, Robert DeLeo and Senate President Harriette Chandler or write to them at 24 Beacon St., Boston, MA 02133.

In New York: Email: AdopteeWorkgroupComments@health.ny.gov
(My letter to them is posted at the First Mother Forum page on Facebook.)

Who is supporting access to original birth certificates?   Almost 200 people submitted written public testimony for HB 5408, the vast majority of whom support the bill. Who were they? What did they say? Here's the breakdown.