Lorraine says, See You Later

Some of you may have noticed that I have been not writing much of late, or that I mentioned upcoming surgery on my ankle--a replacement. Now I have learned that I may not be able to have a replacement, but may need a bone fusion instead, or some of both. But whatever the operation is--on August 8--I will be out of commission for a while. And as I build up to the surgery, my time is filling with the pre-op stuff that needs to be done (blood test, a dental exam, a physical exam) and endless appointments with a physical therapist to build up the muscles in my leg, as well as that magical "core" that exercise gurus talk about these days.

I am also polishing of my manuscript of hole in my heart, following the reading of it by fellow blogger Jane, as well as two other friends, and I
intend to finish that before surgery or I will go mad. I have been working on this book for five years, and, in a way, even before that, I interviewed my daughter for such a memoir years before she died.

A bit about the book: Twice I thought I had a publisher. One was a mainstream publisher, with a name most of you would recognize, but when hole in my heart got to the meeting where books are given the final nay or go, two young women editors complained bitterly about the blog and said it was "too STRIDENT." I don't know if they were adoptive mothers or adoptees themselves, or close to adoptive parents through blood or friendship, but the book at that publisher died that day. Of the young women editors, my husband said, "They probably always want to know that adoption will be available to them if they need it." 

Unfortunately I think he hit the nail on the head.

Jane and Lorraine, July 1983

The talk here sometimes does get heated. Both Jane and are outspoken about what we see as the fallacies of adoption. We do not mince words. We have made adoptees angry sometimes. We have infuriated adoptive parents. We have called out some writers for the narrow and unrealistic view of adoption we think they present in their books. We have pointed out the lasting sorrow that many mothers endure, and the angst some adoptees experience due to their being adopted. We are not fans of intercountry adoption. We believe all adopted people should have the unrestricted right to know the truth of their origins, that the "privacy" of the birth mother is a blatant violation of another's right to know. We do not think that women today ought to be pushed into giving up their babies. We are pro-contraception and pro-abortion. We are not apologizing for any of it, for it is our truth, and we believe, that of many. 

I know there are adoptive mothers and fathers who are understanding of the whole situation for both birth mothers and their children. We are thrilled when we hear from them. We are thrilled, also when we hear from people who are thinking about adopting an infant but change their minds after educating themselves. 

Other main stream publishers who were interested in my manuscript for hole in my heart said that they did not think there would be a big enough audience for it. One special-focus publisher wanted the book, but ultimately presented me with a contract that I could not sign, as it bought the rights to my story indefinitely. Regular publishing contracts are not like that, and in the end, they did not seem like a good fit. 

In any event, I have gone over the manuscript again, whittled it down to a manageable length, corrected typos, and am still responding to some of the notes, for which I am eminently grateful. I will publish hole in my heart one way or another. And I will have this one more refining of the manuscript done before surgery.

The recovery period of the upcoming surgery, and my focus on finishing the book, and the recovery time needed (several weeks before I can even put weight down on my ankle) means that for the next few months, I will not be writing any more here. Jane will take over although family matters will take precedence for a couple of weeks. Beginning very soon, she will start republishing some of the old posts (we have published more than 900) that date to 2008, when I started with blog and invited Jane and another first mother, Linda, to join. After a year, Linda wanted to move on, though we remain friends. It is a special sisterhood we first mothers have. I am not sure that I will be able to return to the level of publishing at the pace that Jane and I have kept up since 2008. 

Since I do not have a laptop, I am unable to connect to the internet from anywhere in my house except my office, where I have a cable connection. If anyone would like to help with the cost of a computer, ($350) please see the sidebar at the blog with my address. Thank you. 

Since I am not saying goodbye for ever, I will just close with see you later--à plus tard.--lorraine