'Burger King Baby' is thrilled to meet her 'birth mom'

Lorraine

In contrast to the situation we have been discussing at the last post*--about a woman who wrote to us stating that she does not want to meet her first mother--is the Burger King Baby who actively searched for her mother, and was thrilled to meet her.

Katheryn Deprill, 27, who was left as a  newborn in the bathroom of a Burger King in Allentown, Pennsylvania, teared up this morning on the Today show as she recalled meeting her biological mother, Cathy Pochek, for the first time two weeks ago. 

“It’s so surreal; never in a million years did I think this was going to happen,” Deprill said.

Pochek was raped at age 16 and secretly gave birth in her bedroom before leaving the two-hour old baby wrapped in a red sweater in a Burger King bathroom in Pennsylvania. The baby girl was adopted by Carl and Brenda Hollis. When she was 12, they told her the truth. 

“You just wonder where you come from,” Deprill said in the interview. “I would never want to replace (my adopted family) but being adopted, a part of you is missing and unless you've been adopted, you really just don’t understand that.” 

Her adoptive mother, Brenda encouraged her daughter to search for her biological mother. A mother of three herself, Deprill turned to Facebook with a photo of herself and her story written on a poster. The photograph went viral and Cathy Pochek came forward three weeks later. The two met two weeks ago for the first time since September of 1986, when Cathy Ann Pochek gave birth to the girl who became Katheryn Ann Deprill. 

In the Today interview, the two talked about the many coincidences they share: Both were named Catherine Ann, thought the spelling of Katheryn is different; both drive the same make and model of car. They said there were many other coincidences, but didn't go into them. And in a weird twist of fate, Cathy Pochek, the mother, at some point baby-sat for her daughter's future husband. 

Watching this story this morning as I was going out the door I was struck by the absolute difference between "Angela," who has so much anger towards her first mother, and Katheryn Deprill, who sought out a woman who left her in a bathroom shortly after birth. I  understand that Angela has no knowledge of what happened to her in the first first years of her life. It might have been bad. I am not judging Angela but remarking on the difference in attitude. Deprill, upon hearing her story, could have ended up with the same feelings that Angela has. 

Samantha Guthrie did the interview with warmth: she called Cathy Pochek a "birth mom," which has a friendly, open connotation to the phrase; the interview was focused on the mother and daughter reunited, but she gave warm credit to Brenda Hollis, the adoptive mom. Hollis said that Katheryn had been talking about searching for a long time and when Katheryn showed her what people were doing on Facebook, she encouraged her to do the same. It all sounded very relaxed and normal--and consider they were looking for a woman who left a baby in a Burger King bathroom. 

Guthrie called that a "selfless" act, and she said something about all the women "being in the right place." 

What I loved is that Katheryn is able to accept and forgive a woman who left her in a bathroom. What I loved was the way the Guthrie (who is about four months pregnant herself) did the interview. What I loved was how the three of them related and were able to do this interview on national television together. 

Right, I thought, thinking about all the different stories were hear, thinking about women and men like Julia Emily, whose parents barely acknowledge that she was not born to them. At that point I was grateful for adoptive moms like Brenda and Jay Iyer and Tiffany and others that I know are out there. 

At that point, Katheryn started tearing up and says: I've kinda opened up and feel all these feelings." And at that point, I teared up. 

Everybody's different. There is always going to be adoption and what we can all hope that more are like this one--open, understanding, and giving, thinking about the best for the child.--lorraine

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I've tried to include photos but that has almost resulted in losing the whole post; Today video is below.

COMMENTS CLOSED

From FMF

*An adoptee doesn't want to meet her first/birth mother
Navigating the first meeting between birth mother and child

Writing the First Letter to your birth mother (or a sibling)

Part two: Navigating the first meeting between birth mother and child

RECOMMENDED Recommended Reading:
Taking Down the Wall by Christine Murphy (and recommended by Rebecca Hawkes)
"This book was very helpful to me in understanding the feelings an adoptee has as an adult and the reasons for them. The author, Christine Murphy, tells her journey as an adoptee who at age 23 is stunned by a phone call from her original mother. Murphy rejects most contact for 15 years until she decides she needs to find out why she has feelings of anger. She works with a therapist and on her own and makes great emotional progress over the course of a year. Because this book is a true life story, it provides insights into one person's journey from rejection and not wanting to know about her conception, gestation, birth and post-birth history to accepting and working on changing the resulting feelings and actions she had unconsciously had and done during her life."--Amazon review 

The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole by Lori Holden 
"Holden’s debut is an insightful, heartfelt exploration of open adoption, an evolving arrangement that has been growing in popularity over the last 20 years. Her endorsement is personal; she has two children from open adoptions and maintains that openness helps heal adoption’s split between a person’s biology and biography. She references open adoption as a “process” that encourages high-functioning relationships between birth parents, extended family members, and adopted parents." (Publishers Weekly) FMF hasn't read it yet but a quick look into it indicates this is a book we can recommend. 

THANK YOU FOR ORDERING ANYTHING THROUGH FMF. CLICK ON THE LINKS OR BOOK JACKETS. 

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