'Love' hormone's dark side may explain secondary infertility

Lorraine

You know that "love hormone" we've talked about many times here? Women get a rush of oxytocin when we give birth, and so it is the physiological underpinning for the love and connection we feel towards our babies right after they are born. Some of us get more, some of us get less, but it is likely the reason that many of us end up grieving so long and so deeply for our children after we relinquish them to others. It's why some of us search for our children. It's the reason some of us are praying that our children find us one day. We remember the feeling of the love we felt for them at the time they were born. Supposedly, it makes us feel good--men and women get a release of it after sex. The hormone has such a good reputation that it has been tested as an anti-anxiety drug.

Okay, that's one side of it.


But how about the fact that after we have the experience of birth and relinquishment so many of us--some surveys put the number at around 40 percent--do not have other babies? It is such a widespread phenomenon that it is called secondary infertility. And how about the fact that a great many of us don't want to hear about babies that other women are having, even our friends and sisters? Turns out that same hormone can cause emotional pain as well as that loving feeling. New research finds that oxytocin may be the reason that certain stressful situations can reverberate long past the event, and can trigger fear and anxiety in the future when markers of a past bad experience are present.

A LIST OF WHAT TRIGGERS ANXIETY
The research on oxytocin has been done only on mice but what I read made so much sense to me as I read it I immediately made a mental list of all the things related to birth and babies that make me anxious: women giving birth in film; baby pictures; baby showers; anything baby-related, small children, especially blonde little girls. During movies with birth scenes, I shut my eyes or walk out. When someone shows me pictures of their young children or grandchildren; I look at one and hope more are not proffered, for I really do not want to see them. I have avoided as many as possible baby showers since my pregnancy and birth--only two was I not able to avoid in 47 years, and they were difficult to get through. There are probably more things that trigger bad feelings in me but that's just from the top of my head.

With the only baby I ever felt comfortable around, my granddaughter

As for ever having another child? Forget about it, was my response during the decades I was fecund after I had my daughter. I told my first husband I had relinquished a child before I answered when he asked me to marry, and said right then and there I would never have another child.* When I met my second husband, Birthmark had been published, and, upon hearing what my memoir was about, his first reaction was relief. I was not yet another woman approaching the end of her fertile years with her biological clock ticking loudly and incessantly, for that was whom he was meeting, one after another. He had two children not yet out of college, didn't want to start a new family, and rightly assumed I would not want to have another child. I know of course, that many women do go on to have other children. My writing partner here, Jane, had three more daughters. But more children for me? Inconceivable. I made that decision right after my daughter, my only child, was born. When fellow blogger Jane was dealing with a social worker during pregnancy, the woman said: Now I hope you aren't going to be one of those women who never has another child. She must already known that this phenomenon was common.

The scientists at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine discovered that oxytocin strengthens negative social memory and future anxiety by triggering an important signaling molecule (ERK--extracellular signal regulated kinases) that becomes activated after a negative social experience. ERK causes enhanced fear, the researchers believe, by stimulating the brain's fear pathways, many of which pass through the region of the brain that deal with emotional and stress responses. The research was published in the July 21 issue of Nature Neuroscience.

CHANGES IN THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
"Oxytocin is usually considered a stress-reducing agent based on decades of research," said Yomayra Guzman, a doctoral student at Northwestern and the study's lead author. "With this novel animal model, we showed how it enhances fear rather than reducing it and where the molecular changes are occurring in our central nervous system."

Enhances fear? I know this was done with mice, but I have been dealing with such stress related symptoms since my daughter Jane was born. Other than with my granddaughter, I did not want to be around other babies, didn't want to pick one up and coo with her or him, didn't want to see a load of pictures of friend's grandchildren. Still don't. I noticed this the other day at the beach when someone was proudly showing off pictures of their new grandchild. I looked at one and was done; the (childless by chance and choice) woman sitting next to me gushed over a dozen more. But this kind of sharing of baby pictures is triggering, reminding me of what I lost when I relinquished my daughter--our entire life together. When I entered her life again 15 years later, everything was different and emotionally fraught and we never could totally break down the barriers that had been erected.

Other recent research follows three human studies on oxytocin, all of which are beginning to offer a more complicated view of the hormone's role in emotions.

In two different experiments with mice, one group was missing its oxytocin receptors, another had an increased number, and the third group had the normal amount. The mice were put through two stressful situations, and then had a quiet period of several hours. When they were put back in the same stressful situation, the mice who were missing the oxytocin receptors didn't appear to remember what had happened before and showed no fear; the mice with the enhanced receptors exhibited intense fear, the group with the normal amount of receptors showed normal fear. They remembered, in other words, but didn't freak out.

COULD EXPLAIN THE DIFFERENT REACTIONS TO REUNION
The difference in reaction to a stressful situation could partly explain the great difference in how some first/birth mothers react when their lost children contact them. Some are overwhelmed with joy, others are fearful and may reject reunion, others are wary at first but are able to get over their fears. Understandably, the nature of the family situation of the birth mother--including whether or not she has told her husband and any other children--also plays a crucial part in not only her immediate reaction but also the final decision whether to meet, or reject, her lost child.

Okay, mice. It's a start. Though I can't conceive how an experiment on oxytocin could be designed for human subjects, I'd be glad to participate if any are. Jelena Radulovic, the professor in charge of the lab where the study was done, said: "This experiment shows that after a negative social experience the oxytocin triggers anxiety and fear in a new stressful situation." Amen to that.--lorraine

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* My first husband remarried, and did have another child, who was named the same as my second husband's daughter. Coincidence, once again. Fortune teller says: You will marry someone who has a daughter named....

SOURCES
Love Hormone Has Dark Side
Fear-enhancing effects of septal oxytocin receptors
Shining light on the dark side of oxytocin
Posttraumatic oxytocin dysregulation: is it a link among posttraumatic self disorders, posttraumatic stress disorder, and pelvic visceral dysregulation conditions in women?

FROM FMF 

The Case for More Time Before Signing Surrender Papers
Should women considering adoption be warned about secondary infertility?
How the daughter I gave up forever changed my life
The saddest story of all: Opting for adoption today
The saddest story of all: Opting for adoption today
A First/Birth Mother remembers the first Easter after surrender, only days earlier

RECOMMENDED READING
The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade
"Fessler has no agenda other than educating the reader about the hidden histories of these shamed, embarrassed unwed mothers. She uses personal narratives to flesh out her history book, but Fessler does not edit the histories to make any specific political point. Her subjects had widely varying experiences and reactions, all of which are captured herein."--from a review at Amazon. Order by clicking on the title or icon of the book jacket.