Being grateful for what is, not always wishing for what isn't...

Lorraine and Tony celebrating their 25th anniversary

Chance favors the prepared mind said Pasteur and it seemed that way this morning as I read Tuesday's New York Times Science section and came across this headline: "A Serving of Gratitude May Save the Day." After the gloom of the last post when I was admittedly down in the dumps myself, this sounded promising:  A new study shows that cultivating a feeling of gratitude has been linked "to better health, sounder sleep, less anxiety and depression, higher long-term satisfaction with life, and kinder behavior towards others, including romantic partners." The study also found that feeling grateful makes people less likey to turn aggressive when provoked.

Well, good god, let's do some of that!

Because though the day (starting on Wednesday the day before the Day) started out with me feeling depressed--my daughter was not only adopted, she committed suicide, my granddaughters are far from me and have other places to be--after shedding a few tears and feeling sorry for myself, I found a sweet and short email from a good friend, saying she was grateful we were friends, which gave me as a spurt of happy adrenalin, as did a nice message at Facebook. I called my two brothers in Michigan (as my mother used to call all of us on every holiday in the morning), made my pies (Praline pumpkin and bourbon pecan), went for a short walk with my husband, packed the pies and went over to a friend's house where 14 gathered--mostly friends I see a couple times a month, or nearly so, and most of them close enough I could call in an emergency. Because of the particular nature of New York City (I'm basically in a 100-mile away weekend Manhattan), the majority of us were were from other places, as far as London and as close as Queens. We ranged in age from the forties to the seventies. And except for the daughter of the host and hostess (who in her late 40s just got engaged to a guy we all adore), no one's children were present. (All right, several childless folk were there.)

My pie mit schlag

I had a great time, sitting between two good friends, at a abundant spread (even the Brussels sprouts were delicious) that we all contributed to. I felt grateful that I knew these people and they were my friends. I know about this one's mother in a mental hospital, another's financial/housing problems, one who just buried her cat that morning, another's sadness because she had to put down her dog that week, another whose job is changing with a great deal of uncertainty and anxiety involved. I felt accepted and loved. So I ended up the day feeling much better than it started. Was it because I had found things to feel grateful about?

Possibly. The study referred to above is the work of Robert A. Emmons, of the University of  California, Davis and Michael McCullough of the University of Michigan. They suggest that to get things rolling we start out with "gratitude lite,"a journal where we list of five things we feel grateful for, no matter how simple, from a friend's generosity to a beautiful sunset, every week. The entries can be just one sentence. Sounds pretty simple, right?

But after eight weeks--and done only once a week--significant effects were found. Compared with the group which did not keep a gratitude journal, the people were more optimistic and felt happier. They reported fewer physical problems and spent more time exercising. "If you want to sleep more soundly, count your blessing, not sheep," Dr. Emmons advises in Thanks! his new book on gratitude research.

So I'm not waiting any longer. We will always feel a certain sadness--sometimes greater, sometimes lesser-- because we relinquished our children, or if you are adopted, because you were relinquished, but there is life after adoption. Here's my list for this week--I'm going to leave all adoption related things out--and I encourage everyone to add theirs in comments. Later on I will add some of them to the post:

1. Exceptionally good friends I shared Thanksgiving Day with.
2. My partner. He's raking leaves, I have to make lasagne today for the birthday party for him I'm hosting tomorrow with his family, whom I love and feel they love me back
3. Today it is sunny enough and just warm enough to hang up the sheets outside, something I love to do. Yes. I am washing clothes today.
4. A couple of sweet messages from people (some of them strangers except through Facebook and FMF) yesterday.
5. That I live in a place where I can buy eggs about 30 feet where from where they were laid.

Et tu? And you? What you are grateful for? --lorraine, quite grateful today
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See: "A Serving of Gratitude May Save the Day."