Philomena: A forced adoption, a lifetime quest, a longing that never waned

The book, the true story

Most of you already know the bare bones of the story of the film Philomena: Irish teen becomes pregnant, ends up in one of the horrid Magdalene laundries, her son is forcibly adopted when he is three by rich Americans, and a half century later his mother--Philomena Lee in real life--wants to find him and comes to Washington with a journalist who is writing her story, his newspaper paying the bills.

I made sure I had plenty of tissues with me but in fact, only needed one. True there is sadness aplenty, but served up with levity and even a few comedic moments to relax the tension. Judi Dench, as Philomena, gives a masterful, believable performance as she talks about what happened to her, seen in flashbacks, and in how she portrays the woman dealing with reality today. She says she wonders if her son ever thought about her, because she thought about him every single day. You got that right, I was thinking. Every adoptee who doesn't already know the answer to that should see this film.

Philomena keeps her son a secret, and only on his 50th birthday does she reveal the lost son to a daughter. As in real life, one thing leads to another, and Philomena is connected to a journalist, Martin Sixsmith, who is looking for something to write about.

Lorraine

Dench is the little old Irish lady with a penchant for romance novels, but, having been a psychiatric nurse for years, she has a certain aplomb dealing with hard facts. The most chilling scenes in Philomena are at the abbey where the child was born; yes, there is a horrible screaming birth scene, one that I suppose was necessary but mercifully it was over quickly. Birth scenes continue to make me crazy, anytime, anywhere. Though she has been at the abbey previously trying to learn what became of her son, she makes another attempt with Sixsmith but is told, alas, the records were destroyed in a fire--yet her surrender document has been surprisingly saved! In it, she promises never to search for her son. 

HOW FREE IS 'FREE WILL' IN SOME CIRCUMSTANCES? 
Philomena, in the film, makes the point that she signed the permission for adoption of her own free will, then adding a "I had sinned so I needed to sign the paper." The nuns had drummed that in well. Of course she had no resources to help her care for her son, and the societal pressure to give up her child in the Fifties was enormous--not only in Ireland, but here, there, just about everywhere. At the end of the movie, she says it was my choice, meaning it was her choice to have sex, i.e. sin. Choice and free will are words that echo throughout adoption today--and here at FMF in the comments from adoptive parents--which makes the adoption appear to be, well, a first mother's choice. But these words, no matter how pretty they sound, often hide the reality that mothers had no real options--or believed they had none. Even today.   

Michael Hess, his first Christmas in US

SPOILER ALERT Ultimately and rather quickly the identity of her son is found though American files, and he is revealed to be a senior official in government. In fact, her "Anthony"--last seen as he vanishes from the rear window of an automobile--became Michael Hess, an attorney in both the Reagan and first Bush administrations; he was for a time, George H. W. Bush's chief legal counsel. Hess was also gay, and died of AIDS in 1995. Yes, you are going to gasp at this moment you realize he is dead--because I didn't see it coming as the newspaper reviews have left it out. However, enough stories about the real Philomena and the whole truth have been written to make pretending that's not the case unnecessarily coy at FMF. We hear all too many stories from adoptees who waited until both adoptive parents died to begin their search in earnest or at all. Much as I hated this to be happening on the screen, this story point is a good reminder that waiting may be too late. There is more to this ending, but I'll let you discover it on your own. 

Hess's partner refuses to meet Philomena when Sixsmith tries to arrange it; but when Philomena knocks on the door herself, he is accommodating and she ends up watching home movies of her son. At that point, I couldn't help think of all the rejections that adoptees get when they go through intermediaries because they have no choice, or because they are afraid to contact their mothers themselves. This movie poignantly shows the power of the direct contact. Hess's partner had no trouble rejecting Sixsmith, the intermediary, but not his partner's mother herself.

TOO 'SOFT' FOR SOME, TOO HARSH FOR OTHERS

The film has been controversial in Ireland because the nuns at the laundry where Philomena labored for four years to "work off" her payment for her care, are upset they were not allowed to vet the script; they say that a scene with a nun who was cruel to Philomena--and by implication--to hundreds of other residents at Rosecrea was not like that and she died before she could, ah, object. But we know that the asylum/laundries did exist as horror houses for "wayward" girls, some of whom became pregnant outside of marriage, and some sent there for crimes like shoplifting. That was the act that got singer Sinead O'Conner incarcerated to one for 15 months, and is why, she says, she tore up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live in 1992. These damnable institutions were not shut down until 1996. Thousands of babies were adopted by Americans. Church officials deny that payments ever took place, insisting that the nuns were only interested in placing the children with Catholics, and preferably wealthy, Americans. A photograph of Jane Russell is on the wall at the convent; Russell in fact adopted three children, at least one who was Irish, but apparently not through the laundries. I couldn't help be reminded of Chief Justice John Roberts' adopted Irish children--even though Irish law today prohibits Irish children being adopted out of country. But I digress. 

The story in the film moves along smoothly--the cynical atheist intellectual versus the sweet old lady, and while Dench does not make the film great art, she saves it from swallowing itself in bathos. I watched the film as both the mother who lost her child and the skeptical journalist--because I am both, and I have covered my own story--and those of others--with, I hope, a keen eye, but of course I am always falling into the story of adoption myself as I am a mother like Philomena. Some have criticized the Sixsmith character played by Steve Coogan, who co-wrote the film for reasons I can't remember, because I thought he played the part beautifully. Journalists and feature writers like myself get pulled into stories, but a part of you has to maintain a certain emotional distance to tell the story as others will see it. At the end, Philomena is kindly forgiving of the nuns and what they did to her, but I was with Sixsmith emotionally back at the convent and wanted to sweep the plaster Jesus statues off the gift-shop counter. He restrains himself. I probably would have too. Smashed trinkets might not do a lot of good. 

The film is causing some commotion--mostly in Ireland--as Catholics want to sweep this part of their history into a great bonfire and be done with it; others are angry that the true character of the damnable laundries has been whitewashed. Thousands of young Irish girls were enslaved in them, working 8-10 hours a day, 364 days a year, subjected to lectures on the evils of the flesh and carnal pleasures and frequent beatings. But a much grittier 2003 film, The Magdalene Sisters, was too grim, arty and grueling to have much of an impact outside of Ireland--I saw it at an art theater--and Philomena is the kind of movie that many more people will see. It will certainly wake more people up to the fact that mothers do not forget. Some may turn away from their offspring, but they do not forget. 

The real Philomena Lee

The film is an honest depiction of the lifelong situation of mothers who lose their children to adoption, especially in Ireland, but some critics have taken apart it point for point where it veers from total accuracy in regards to Philomena's story. In real life, Philomena Lee did not visit the United States. So the whole half of the movie in the U.S., with some silly bits about wanting to watch a Tyler Perry movie instead of visiting the Lincoln Memorial, and a penchant for free champagne, are made up. But this road-trip aspect is what makes the movie, as a story, less than forever sad. While the great majority of the reviews have been positive, at least one (at the New York Post by Kyle Smith) was howling in its denunciation of the movie, calling it "90 minutes of organized hate." He criticizes it for bashing the Catholic Church and the Republican party. The GOP? The film makes no bones about the fact that Hess had to hide his sexuality because the party was not receptive to gays--hardly worth denying as it was particularly true of the era in which he lived. What planet does Kyle Smith live on? 

PHILOMENA'S RESPONSE TO CRITICS
But Philomena, the real 80-year-old women, will not be bowed. In response to his excoriating review, she wrote to Smith. In part, her letter says:

"The story it tells has resonated with people not because it's some mockery of ideas or institutions that they're in disagreement with. This is not a rally cry against the church or politics. In fact, despite some of the troubles that befell me as a young girl, I have always maintained a very strong hold on my faith. 

"...Kyle, Stephen’s movie about my story is meant to be a testament to good things, not an attack. It is a testament to the undying bond that’s exists between mothers and their children, something that I’ve found time and distance have no bearing on. It is a testament to the willingness to never give up on keeping that bond alive, even if all odds are pointing you against it. It is also a testament to the fact that no matter how old we grow, there is always a chance we will meet someone, however different from us, that might impact our views on humanity and help guide us on a new, if perhaps unforeseen, path." 

Amen, Philomena. Though the percentage of women who relinquish their babies has declined dramatically, still far too many in the United States are given up for that dream of "a better life" that agencies trumpet all over the internet. Young girls are duped into thinking that their children "deserve" parents other than themselves. Smith, incidentally, parrots this thinking in his review: 

"The film doesn't mention that in 1952 Ireland, both mother and child's life would have been utterly ruined by an out-of-wedlock birth and that the nuns are actually giving both a chance at a fresh start that both indeed, in real life, enjoyed."

That is the same kind of malarkey that adoption agencies spout in their relentless drive to spirit more babies away from their mothers. I'd like to know if Smith is an adoptive father or a very angry adoptee himself. Something in his tone tells me he is likely to be personally involved, especially as a later review sings the praises of Delivery Man, that comedy about the man whose sperm fathered something like 500 children. Smith calls it good entertainment for the holidays, while most critics have slammed it. But I digress. 

 I went with my husband yesterday, and he, without caveats, calls it a good movie that a lot of people should see, and was inspired to write his own blog about it.* The theater was mostly empty. Some adoptees and first mothers have said they will stay away because Philomena, the movie, will be too triggering. But folks! this kind of movie needs our support. Juno went through the roof with accolades and it presented a completely different kind of mother's reaction to giving up a child--and we know it had an impact on some young girls! 

THE SAME STORY IN AMERICA, ONLY SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT
While this movie is about Ireland, and has the horror of the laundries and forced adoptions, the story would be only slightly different if told from an American point of view. Consider this capsule plot line: A good friend of mine who relinquished in 1963 told me that her father always said to her that if she got pregnant, he would "shoot her in the head." She did not keep her baby.

Philomena's particular story is unique to Ireland; but her story is our story too.The wholesale deportation of children has happened in the US and is happening today, albeit the manner is different. Charles Loring Brace stole thousands of children at the end of the 19th century and sent them on orphans trains to work on farms in the Midwest. Georgia Tann stole hundreds of children on the 1930's, 40's, and 50's and sold them to wealthy families in California and New York.  Adoptive families in the U.S. have paid for thousands of children stolen from their families in Guatemala, Cambodia, Ethiopia, China, and other countries. And thousands of American women have been conned out of their babies by slick marketing; thousands of fathers have lost their children through outright trickery and unconscionable adoption laws.  Whether children are taken from mothers imprisoned in laundries or through slight-of-hand, the result is the same. 

Unsealed Initiative at showing of Philomena

Though she was able to find out what happened to her son, because he was adopted in the U.S. weirdly enough, millions of first mothers here--cannot find their lost children due to archaic sealed records statutes. A few weeks ago, members of Unsealed Initiative, the New York organization working to repeal the 1935 sealed records statutes, demonstrated at a theater showing the movie in Manhattan, and held up signs saying they were birth mothers. The response was overwhelmingly positive. 

Go see the movie soon--it won't last forever in the theater--and take a friend. Dench is being promoted for an Oscar for her performance, which could further Philomena's impact. With enough education, we will yet break the logjam that has prevent the United States from opening up its records, as England and Wales did in 1975; not until 1989 did Northern Ireland follow suit. 

What Philomena so ably accomplishes is telling the story that mothers who lost their children to adoption, whether coerced or not, do not forget. It is true, some mothers reject reunion; I don't know how they got so lost and detached; maybe their fathers threatened to shoot them in the head; maybe they have never told their husbands or their other children, as many were advised. Yet they did not forget. They just are unable to deal with the pain of reunion. I am sorry for them, for what they lose. Most of us think about our relinquished children, one way or another, every single day of our lives.--lorraine
____________________________
For an interview with Martin Sixsmith:
Stolen from his mother - and sold to the highest bidder

* See Sidebar for Completely Out of My Mind by Anthony Brandt: BLOOD

Regarding Irish adoption records and birth certificates of Irish adoptees:  According to one of our commenters: Irish adopted citizens currently do not have the automatic right to their original birth certificate or records. However, because the right has never been legislated for or against the question has been not clearly answered and record-holders are overwhelmed with requests. 

ADDED ON 12/5: Controversy breeds publicity, and today's New York Times has a full-page ad in the arts section on the Kyle Smith review, along with excerpts from Philomena's letter to Smith. I can't reproduce it here, nor does it seem to be running on-line. Let's hope this entices more people to see the movie. 

SOURCES

Philomena (2013)

A Forced Adoption, a Lifetime Quest and a Longing That Never Waned

Philomena: nun too sloppy when it comes to the facts

The Real ‘Philomena’ Answers New York Post Critic Who Condemns Her Film As An Attack On Catholics And Republicans

THE BOOK

Philomena: A Mother, Her Son, and a Fifty-Year Search (Movie Tie-in) What's to say? I'm ordering it today. Click on photo above or here.

The Magdalene Sisters A stirring, must-see motion picture critics called one of the best films of the year, THE MAGDALENE SISTERS is the triumphant story of three extraordinary women whose courage to defy a century of injustice would inspire a nation!

Anything ordered through the portal above from Amazon will be credited to FMF. Thank  you for your support--special thanks to the person who did yesterday!