The Lost Post regarding the issues of Tyler and Catelynn, reconstructed

Carly, Brandon and Teresa Davis and new baby in Bethany ad

In a series of unfortunate events last night I inadvertently erased the whole post here. I had wrapped up the current commotion with Tyler Baltierra of Tyler and Catelynn of 16 and Pregnant and of late, Teen Mom. Having relinquished their daughter, they have become spokesteens for Bethany Christian Services. They give talks at colleges and high schools, showing how well their "adoption plan" worked out for them. Talks, in other words, that can only encourage other teens to give up their babies. Tyler prefers that I use the language, "made an adoption plan" in reference to them, as if that made a difference to what happens to a child borne of one mother and given to another woman to raise.

I am recreating some of what was lost with new material.

Not being a frequent watcher of Teen Mom, yet trying to keep up with the breathless adventures of this couple--he's sleeping outside overnight to raise money for charity, she's gone to the East Coast to
help with cleanup efforts in the wake of Storm Sandy--I wasn't getting all the details right and our intrepid commentors kept finding factual errors. I was trying to correct one when Poof! the whole damn thing disappeared and I could not get it back. It was late, I went to bed.

The details of their payback for all the "stars" of Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant are below in one of the comments, but suffice it to say there that Catelynn and Tyler are financially doing quite well, due to being paid by the production company that produces the show airing on MTV. Catelynn's in college in Michigan, Tyler's trying to break into acting in New Orleans. They bought a house and have fixed it up; they bought their mothers cars, and if one gossip report is correct, Tyler paid for his sister's boob job.

TURNING INTO SHILLS FOR ADOPTION

Daughter Jane and Lorraine, 1982

I am not here to lecture Tyler and Catelynn about their decision to surrender their daughter. They had messy, difficult lives in unstable family situations that were out of a modern-day Dickens novel. What we object to is that having relinquished their daughter under the spotlight of cameras, they turned themselves into poster teens for the institution of adoption. They have a video promoting adoption, yours for two dollars. They give talks to teens. Earlier this month they spoke at the University of Missouri, and four nearby high schools, all under the banner of promoting adoption and of course, one of the largest providers of babies in the country, Bethany Christian Services. Young teens will give up their babies because of them. They have become role models for how great things work out if you give up  your baby. They are tools of the adoption industry. I find this nauseating.

Just a few months ago, we had a post from another birth mother who had been addled into doing the same thing for Bethany until she began to feel differently about the traumatic loss she suffered by giving up her child. (Link below.)

I feel sorry for the child, Carly. Tyler and Catelynn have lamented that their daughter did not come to their high school graduation and they are not allowed to post pictures on her on their Facebook page, the adoptive parents, Brandon and Teresa Davis, are certainly not holding themselves back from showing their faces with their babies (yep, they have adopted another) on the cover of a Bethany magazine. When they agreed to be part of the show, they probably never imagined it would become so incredibly popular, but since it has, they might as well go with the flow, right? As long as they control the flow. Incidentally, the little girl, Carly, above, looks just like Catelynn. The resemblance is striking. Cute as a button. Catelynn, incidentally, introduced them to the young pregnant girl who also chose them as adoptive parents--through Bethany, naturally.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO TELL YOU DAUGHTER ONE DAY?
I feel for Catelynn--she is the one who gave birth, she is the one who will suffer more than Tyler ever knows, as women are hard-wired to want to nourish and raise their children. The loss of a child is a lifelong trauma, and she will know the full extent of her grief over time. She's cried on camera, and apparently was unhappy to learn that the adoption was not as "open" as they thought it would be, despite Tyler's protestations that he researched adoption before they entered into it. What did he do? Google "adoption?" I doubt he Googled "birth mother pain."*

 Tyler appears to be the one who eagerly has turned their sorrow and celebrity into a business, and himself into an icon for teenage girls. His photographs reveal how cool he is. That said, I do not wish either of them ill. They have their whole lives to lead, and it won't always be this "cool" to be the father who chose an "adoption plan" for their baby, to use the language he so demonstrably said he prefers when he left a comment at an earlier blog. He may prefer that adoption-industry language, but industry workers and adoptive parents prefer it because it so obfuscates the reality that little girl is going to feel one day. No matter what you call it, being adopted reads emotionally as "given up" and "abandoned" by one's real parents.

The previous post had garnered a comment from an adoptee who after reunion was stalked by her mother. As for truly abusive individuals, stalkers or otherwise, no population is without its fringe people. And adoption, with its myriad of emotional issues, does push some over the edge, first mothers included. As I've said many times, my life after relinquishing my daughter was one riddled with sorrow. She is now dead, and I have come to terms with the reality of my life. No one's life is without grief, but relinquishing a child is something no mother should have to endure unless there is no other way to save her child's life. Adoption should be avoided at all costs, as it inflicts so much pain on both the mother and child, the giver and the givee.

Adoption is the sorrow that goes on giving.--lorraine  
___________________
* LATE ADDITION: I just Googled Bethany Christian Services and this is what I found: Adoption Agency Ratings

Not good. Not good at all.  More to come.

There was also a brief discussion in the lost post of whether birth parent/adoptee support groups and conferences as well as reading memoirs of adoptees and first parents, are helpful soon after reunion. Jane will take that up tomorrow.

Also see:  Former Bethany "recruiter" speaks up 
How adoption agencies 'turn' vulnerable women into spokespeople for relinquishing
Shotgun Adoptions via Crises Pregnancy Centers
AND
Tyler of 16 and Pregnant Tells FMF Off!

For a look at the emotions of surrender...
Birthmark ...a " raw look inside herself and her life story, including most notably finding herself in the position to make the heart-wrenching decision to permit someone else to raise her child." --Amazon